The more I find myself in heart wrenching situations, it is more difficult for me to turn for help in my faith. Even if I do believe in a greater being, emotions would make conscience cower, causing anger towards my own belief. Of course the religion has done nothing wrong towards me – so why do I feel such hatred?
In this case, is my anger towards Him actually a way of comfort? Because I lost someone by interior causes, who can I blame? With no other way to direct the feelings elsewhere I turn to my god and unleash bitter feelings. It feels like a helpless state that I am in, blaming someone who can or cannot help you.
In a novel, there was an event: during a time of poverty and famine, a wine barrel was spilled on the ground – staining it red – and the peasants quickly quenched themselves with it as much as they could. In a discussion we saw the red wine as an allusion to how the wine is the blood of Christ. I took this information as: the peasants only able to rely and base their lives on religion helplessly. Much like my situation now. Would you say venting to my god is the same as relying on Him? Where do I stand in faith?