At one point the living are in a stalemate between two polar opposites: cruelty, and the unknown. What is this unknown? I suppose you could say that it is the desire to obtain true beauty or true truth in the world. Or it is the hidden bliss and self actualization of our lives. It can be the journey or the goal – all I know is that this inconspicuous charm is the things in life we desire to make us happy.
And at the moment, I am on my narrow road to the unknown. I used to think that I was cursed after discovering my horrible ability, but my passion to seize true beauty led me to think, “Everyone has obstacles, and although mine is difficult, there ought to be something worth seeing at the end”.
My thought process is still the same today, but i still struggle with my unfortunate skill of seeing the countdown of people’s lives.
December 1st. Sitting in Andy’s 24 hour cafe became a habit for me every morning. Although it is a cliche scenario, I’m that guy who sits in the corner of the room on gloomy days and thinks about the meaning of life. Half the times however I’m just looking at people on the other side of the window because after the clock hits twelve, the numbers of their deaths will appear. Morning is the only time of day when I won’t see red numbers above everyone – it is the only time where I feel a little more human.
“Here’s the usual Daniel.” the owner chuckled, setting down a cup of coffee before me. I smiled and thanked him like I always do. The old man gave a hearty laugh (although it had a little cackle in it) and ruffled my hair before resuming his work. 3,652 days – I remember that sad day where my eyes accidentally made its way to the gramps. God that hurt. I could still imagine the ‘seconds’ counting down as he waved hello to me exactly 100 days ago.
The thing about having this cruel skill, is that the results would either scare you, or relieve you, and because of this I was forced to defeat all curiosity. And to avoid making the mistake of accidentally seeing someone, I decided that I would only open my eyes in the morning, while the rest of the day I’m blind.
It was a cold morning but the streets were still crowded with people scurrying to work. The time was thirty minutes till afternoon. My ‘escort’ should be here soon to take me back home but he has early classes, so who knows when he’ll get here. Andy and his grandpa are the only people aware of my situation. Although it was shocking how they believed me so easily. After all, no one can look through the same eyes as you do, right?
The was a slight breeze as the bell in front of the entrance rang, but I paid no attention to the stranger. All that occupied my thoughts were the people outside the window. They looked so busy, yet filled with experience and thought – some of the things I struggle to find.
A small, and nervous voice took me back to my senses, “Can I sit here?” My eyes wavered from the window and made it’s to her.
And at that moment my life shook with fear.
The only word I managed to whisper was, “Dammit.”